I have had a rough (to say the least) few weeks. I have lost a grandmother & have been told will lose another one too soon. 3 weeks ago these 2 women had a stomach ache & a cold. Everything is happening too fast. Grandmothers are those people that are always there. You check in with each other & visit & send goodies & they tell you what beautiful kiddos you have & now I am about to lose my last grandmother.
I am 35 weeks pregnant now & he is getting bigger. (I will probably weigh as much as Marty any day now) He seems to be on route to being my biggest baby. I am not sure what I think about that. I cannot breathe very well & I hurt from my shoulders to my knees. Add to that 3 kids, a decent size house & too many toys - I am OVERWHELMED. I am not travelling at this point, but have spent the last few weeks going back & forth to TN. I need to be going back to TN but physically cannot - the whole breathing thing comes in to play.
I know I am venting & maybe no one is listening, but I feel it is important to remember these days - as hard as they are - they are our story. These 2 women have shaped who I am & the timing of their cancers is shaping who I am. I hate cancer! I hate it can move so fast! I am staying close to home so I can take care of this "little" boy & myself, but am feeling torn. I want to be by her side. I am jealous that my cousins are so much closer, but in my heart I know I am doing the right thing. At times I cry pout of sadness & other times anger & other times exhaustion & other times I think I just have no room for the tears.
Sorry, I will feel better soon - maybe when the playroom is cleaner. ~tired Mommy
I am 35 weeks pregnant now & he is getting bigger. (I will probably weigh as much as Marty any day now) He seems to be on route to being my biggest baby. I am not sure what I think about that. I cannot breathe very well & I hurt from my shoulders to my knees. Add to that 3 kids, a decent size house & too many toys - I am OVERWHELMED. I am not travelling at this point, but have spent the last few weeks going back & forth to TN. I need to be going back to TN but physically cannot - the whole breathing thing comes in to play.
I know I am venting & maybe no one is listening, but I feel it is important to remember these days - as hard as they are - they are our story. These 2 women have shaped who I am & the timing of their cancers is shaping who I am. I hate cancer! I hate it can move so fast! I am staying close to home so I can take care of this "little" boy & myself, but am feeling torn. I want to be by her side. I am jealous that my cousins are so much closer, but in my heart I know I am doing the right thing. At times I cry pout of sadness & other times anger & other times exhaustion & other times I think I just have no room for the tears.
Sorry, I will feel better soon - maybe when the playroom is cleaner. ~tired Mommy
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